A quick back story before you read: I have had various remarks from various individuals about the validity of my writing. Is it really Alan? Is he really writing as he is? If so, where has it all come from? Well, I do say, please read on and find out. However, leave your sensitivities and opinions here at this point and pick them up afterwards, lest you be offended. You've been kindly warned. "Oh my, is he really going to say something hurtful to me?" No, I'm just going to be open and speak honestly. No person, specific event, or otherwise is mentioned. This is me speaking about my writing and my style so perhaps you all can better understand my thought processes. Good luck and feel free to respond if something does bother you. I don't read minds. Thank you and without further adieu, the piece:
Without readers my blog would be just like a personal diary; and in many ways it is. However, the blog was started as a way for me to confer to those not around me on a daily basis my life out in Colorado. Granted many writings as of recent have been about random events, both past and present, real and imagined; but for me it's a natural progression. For me to continue to write in cut and dry ways, stating I did x, y, and z no longer appeals to me as a "writer."
I've enjoyed writing creatively as much as I've enjoyed drawing creatively; about the last 5 years or so. For those of you that have seen my tattoo work, part of it is an original drawing by me. I have found other mediums for expressing creatively now that I am not around musical instruments as much. Because I don't talk about drawing or about creative writing as an interest or hobby it may be hard for some to see where I'm coming from. I used to write in plain sentences about what I was doing out in Colorado, much like a report would read. While that is very enjoyable for many of you I'm sure, the times have changed. I cannot say I am changing nor maturing, but I like to think I am; perhaps in ways barely measurable. Perhaps in ways not all and even retrograding. It's all something I have to figure out for myself though. I have a desire to express my thoughts and feelings creatively and openly. I feel I have a lot from the past to talk about and in many ways writing perspectively for me is a way to enjoy writing. If you don't enjoy something, why do it? Well, some would argue how they don't enjoy cutting the grass or grooming themselves, and I would say yes, that is true...there is always a counter-point to every statement. For me, writing in a creative, almost out-of-body&mind manner, is a way for me to express myself as well as brand my writing as different than the next guy. If we all expressed in the same manner or wore the same clothes, what a boring place we'd live in. Living in America has it's definite privileges. I am happy to exploit those. Hence why I just said that.
Variety is the spice of life, and expressing one's self in a passionate yet honest aspect is the style I'm conveying; interesting and confusing nonetheless. If I have offended people; mislead them with confusing metaphors; talked above or below them, then I apologize. One thing we all should strive to understand is that this blog is mine; and not that I'm selfishly imploring your views, but they are voluntary. No one is forcing viewership. I appreciate the readers I have. If you were to not read my blog anymore I'd be saddened, but chances are I wouldn't even know. I'm not out to impress anyone and I hope to not be unimpressive to those sensitive to issues I discuss; but I can't screen every thought without disassembling the piece of writing and giving it a bipolar purpose. This is really a continual development of Alan as he matures and figures out life, and you all have the privilege, or horror of reading about it; even if it's not specifically about me.
If it seems I am not genuine in my thoughts, or that they seem not me, I don't know what to tell you. I assure you my writing is me through and through and that no one or no substance is inundating the material you read. I am still at a crossroads in life and perhaps one crossroad leads to another. For this I apologize. I can't foresee what I will write about. I sit down, I write, I move on with life. Sometimes my ramblings make sense; sometimes my sense is ramblings; that's how it is. Often times, the cereal in the cereal box doesn't look like what it did on the outside picture. Same goes for me. I don't know how to be any more clear. Again, I apologize if you originally signed on to read about what I was doing in Colorado. I can say you will catch elements of my life here and there, but for me to continually stretch on and on about my doings goes against my character; whether that's a new or old character I couldn't tell you. I'm telling it how it is...here and now.
Thanks for reading and if you go your own direction, I'm sorry to see you go; but it's inherent that dissatisfaction occurs everyday. Life is dynamic...hope you'll deal.
In love, genuineness, care, and respect,
Alan
Showing posts with label Al Opens Up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Al Opens Up. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
2009: A year gone but never lost...
The bottom of my coffee mug signals to my brain what my body already knows: I've just ingested my coffee and perhaps the timeline I had done it in was too fast. Anyways, 2009 a year in review from my point of view.
From the start 2K9, represented my move two-thirds of the way across the country to beautiful, quaint, and unique Gunnison Colorado. I don't know what I was thinking when I moved here. I had little expectations. I just knew it was the land known as Colorado and whatever happened would be for the better. Better because I would be forging my young life on my own; away from family and friends-not that I needed to get away, but there comes a time when a young man must, in this case, head West. All allowing me to find out more about myself and what makes Al's clock tick...right down to the second hand.
Recollecting my thoughts, the first few months had a very stable feel to it. I knew that every month past January would be another month cementing my presence here. Similar to my landscape though, once I could go seemingly no higher, the trudge down the other side presented new challenges and issues. I had yet to make solid friends that were near my age. A person can only spend so much time in their own world watching movies and reading books before they crave human contact. Not just any contact though, something that is on-par with what they left behind. I cannot say that the search started that very March or April, but I was definitely more aware of my lack of friends, outside the students I worked with of course and my supervisor. The beginning of summer/late spring found me in the Cascade mountain range in Oregon and Washington, climbing some peaks with my brother in-law and his good friends. Beyond offering a rarer glance into life in some other mountains, not Colorado, I found myself easily and gratefully distracted. Returning to Gunnison a week or so later, I had little time to mentally prepare for my first trail running race. I have to give props to my supervisor and friend Scott for backing me and keeping me driven. Much like other things in life, a solid figure in the shadows somewhere, whether it's in your mind or physically present, provides sustenance for forging onward. The non-literal view from higher up makes the big and obtrusive seem so insignificant; especially when in one's hindsight.
Summer 2K9 presented more free time than I expected. I had made one solid friend that I could engage with outside of work, though it was a female and most would assume a relationship. I, however, saw it as a connection to someone in-tune with what I liked to do and experience. Granted there was attraction, being the nature of humans, but allowing yourself to be swallowed by reasons of lust alone is no way to live. I was fortunate to have her company, her willingness to listen to what ailed me, and in turn be a leaning post for her. I do say, friends are categorized by such parameters.
As summer snaked away like a river in spring, swelled initially by winter snow melt, I found myself loving where I was but lacking the surely essential male-to-male bonding. I had left behind a few good friends back home in Pennsylvania and replacing them was a task seemingly absurd. Absurd? Yes; senseless because you can't replace the uniqueness of a friend – male or female. My only hope was to stumble into something more like what I had left, yet in tune with what I felt and tried to replicate in my life in Gunnison. Rewards aren't often deserved, but when you come into something you feel was in the cards, you can't help but smile on the intricacies of life, and how we often get what we really need, and not what we want. I thank my mother for those wits of wisdom; who I assume came from her own mother, and so on, so forth. In admittance, the male friends gained happened to be a few years senior to me, but highly appropriate; for they were at a slightly higher level than I in terms of maturity. Learning dynamically in my young life, I realize that without established pillars, one can easily tread laterally. Having two slightly older males in my life brought about dissection of myself and my life and an approach to reorganization. Being alone in a place makes it a bit easier to be selfish. If you only have yourself to live for, though my family meant a lot still, you often enact and engage in things that do yourself well. It's like a snow globe; even though the walls are translucent, the falling snow inside the globe (perhaps representing your own thoughts coming to be), distracts and grounds you in a limiting way to your own world. Until of course, the globe is dropped, disrupted, or otherwise.
My snow globe had been cracked. Nothing had spilled out yet, but now suddenly, the crack began to spider – eventually leading to the contents expelling out. If spilled milk isn't worth crying over, then spilled snow globes, representing my own selfish world, aren't either. It had been early September and I felt secure and solidly grounded in Gunnison. A simple trip to Taos New Mexico with sisters, bro in-laws, and babies changed that. I look back and thank the forces at work for how things proceeded. Not to grind on about mountains but, the climb up one's own personal mountain is very representative of my life. The uphill climb suddenly reveals a depression with a short often fast down-climb; sometimes descended without grace, followed of course by a steady rise to perhaps another false summit. The literal top is often always out of reach and sight. Good thing though. If we knew where we were headed or what the top looked like, would we still push ourselves? Some would say yes, others would succumb to temptation and perhaps level off. If the opportunity to see how I will die and in what year proposed itself to me, I wouldn't take it.
Living in the day and the week that we are, while knowing that 2010 will be different and better in ways than 2009 was, allows me to keep stepping forward and upward; even if it's at a pace measured only in millimeters. I pray aloud to the good graces that my next summit is false as well. I desire to continue on not truly knowing my literal summit until I am destined to by the powers that be.
What does 2010 hold? What did 2009 give? Comparing the later to the former isn't necessarily befitting. They both are unique. Perhaps we can only remember bits and pieces of yesterdays, much like a pop can in a garbage compactor: the can is readable when in recent thought, but as time goes on and the compactor compacts, the can becomes less and less discernible– akin to remembrance of memories.
What I do know about twenty ten is that a lovely lady whom I never saw coming has graced my life. My family continues to maintain strong ties with me and I them, across the physical distance of this nation. My friends here and afar, provide guidance, discovery, and irreplaceable companionship. My life is headed in the direction it should. The beauty being my ability to take my hands off the wheel, clear my mind of negativities while focusing on being my better self, and letting life steer in the direction it is to go. This story is mine, but sharing it with others brings an internal smile within me that is uncommonly repeated. Find the inner smile in you. I challenge you for the new year. If you were to share a story about your life, I would love to hear it. Sharing is caring; as they say but do it considering you desire to. May the year twenty ten not be the end of growth.
Much Love,
Alan
From the start 2K9, represented my move two-thirds of the way across the country to beautiful, quaint, and unique Gunnison Colorado. I don't know what I was thinking when I moved here. I had little expectations. I just knew it was the land known as Colorado and whatever happened would be for the better. Better because I would be forging my young life on my own; away from family and friends-not that I needed to get away, but there comes a time when a young man must, in this case, head West. All allowing me to find out more about myself and what makes Al's clock tick...right down to the second hand.
Recollecting my thoughts, the first few months had a very stable feel to it. I knew that every month past January would be another month cementing my presence here. Similar to my landscape though, once I could go seemingly no higher, the trudge down the other side presented new challenges and issues. I had yet to make solid friends that were near my age. A person can only spend so much time in their own world watching movies and reading books before they crave human contact. Not just any contact though, something that is on-par with what they left behind. I cannot say that the search started that very March or April, but I was definitely more aware of my lack of friends, outside the students I worked with of course and my supervisor. The beginning of summer/late spring found me in the Cascade mountain range in Oregon and Washington, climbing some peaks with my brother in-law and his good friends. Beyond offering a rarer glance into life in some other mountains, not Colorado, I found myself easily and gratefully distracted. Returning to Gunnison a week or so later, I had little time to mentally prepare for my first trail running race. I have to give props to my supervisor and friend Scott for backing me and keeping me driven. Much like other things in life, a solid figure in the shadows somewhere, whether it's in your mind or physically present, provides sustenance for forging onward. The non-literal view from higher up makes the big and obtrusive seem so insignificant; especially when in one's hindsight.
Summer 2K9 presented more free time than I expected. I had made one solid friend that I could engage with outside of work, though it was a female and most would assume a relationship. I, however, saw it as a connection to someone in-tune with what I liked to do and experience. Granted there was attraction, being the nature of humans, but allowing yourself to be swallowed by reasons of lust alone is no way to live. I was fortunate to have her company, her willingness to listen to what ailed me, and in turn be a leaning post for her. I do say, friends are categorized by such parameters.
As summer snaked away like a river in spring, swelled initially by winter snow melt, I found myself loving where I was but lacking the surely essential male-to-male bonding. I had left behind a few good friends back home in Pennsylvania and replacing them was a task seemingly absurd. Absurd? Yes; senseless because you can't replace the uniqueness of a friend – male or female. My only hope was to stumble into something more like what I had left, yet in tune with what I felt and tried to replicate in my life in Gunnison. Rewards aren't often deserved, but when you come into something you feel was in the cards, you can't help but smile on the intricacies of life, and how we often get what we really need, and not what we want. I thank my mother for those wits of wisdom; who I assume came from her own mother, and so on, so forth. In admittance, the male friends gained happened to be a few years senior to me, but highly appropriate; for they were at a slightly higher level than I in terms of maturity. Learning dynamically in my young life, I realize that without established pillars, one can easily tread laterally. Having two slightly older males in my life brought about dissection of myself and my life and an approach to reorganization. Being alone in a place makes it a bit easier to be selfish. If you only have yourself to live for, though my family meant a lot still, you often enact and engage in things that do yourself well. It's like a snow globe; even though the walls are translucent, the falling snow inside the globe (perhaps representing your own thoughts coming to be), distracts and grounds you in a limiting way to your own world. Until of course, the globe is dropped, disrupted, or otherwise.
My snow globe had been cracked. Nothing had spilled out yet, but now suddenly, the crack began to spider – eventually leading to the contents expelling out. If spilled milk isn't worth crying over, then spilled snow globes, representing my own selfish world, aren't either. It had been early September and I felt secure and solidly grounded in Gunnison. A simple trip to Taos New Mexico with sisters, bro in-laws, and babies changed that. I look back and thank the forces at work for how things proceeded. Not to grind on about mountains but, the climb up one's own personal mountain is very representative of my life. The uphill climb suddenly reveals a depression with a short often fast down-climb; sometimes descended without grace, followed of course by a steady rise to perhaps another false summit. The literal top is often always out of reach and sight. Good thing though. If we knew where we were headed or what the top looked like, would we still push ourselves? Some would say yes, others would succumb to temptation and perhaps level off. If the opportunity to see how I will die and in what year proposed itself to me, I wouldn't take it.
Living in the day and the week that we are, while knowing that 2010 will be different and better in ways than 2009 was, allows me to keep stepping forward and upward; even if it's at a pace measured only in millimeters. I pray aloud to the good graces that my next summit is false as well. I desire to continue on not truly knowing my literal summit until I am destined to by the powers that be.
What does 2010 hold? What did 2009 give? Comparing the later to the former isn't necessarily befitting. They both are unique. Perhaps we can only remember bits and pieces of yesterdays, much like a pop can in a garbage compactor: the can is readable when in recent thought, but as time goes on and the compactor compacts, the can becomes less and less discernible– akin to remembrance of memories.
What I do know about twenty ten is that a lovely lady whom I never saw coming has graced my life. My family continues to maintain strong ties with me and I them, across the physical distance of this nation. My friends here and afar, provide guidance, discovery, and irreplaceable companionship. My life is headed in the direction it should. The beauty being my ability to take my hands off the wheel, clear my mind of negativities while focusing on being my better self, and letting life steer in the direction it is to go. This story is mine, but sharing it with others brings an internal smile within me that is uncommonly repeated. Find the inner smile in you. I challenge you for the new year. If you were to share a story about your life, I would love to hear it. Sharing is caring; as they say but do it considering you desire to. May the year twenty ten not be the end of growth.
Much Love,
Alan
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Winter? I think not...
Well, last week Denver got pummeled with snow while we here a little higher in the mountains were blessed with sweet sunshine and 50-60 degree weather. Now, while to many of you back East (or out West), that may seem mild and quite possibly cold; but, you have to imagine a) the dry climate and b) the higher altitude and proximity to the sun, and then of course c) that summertime highs don't go past 85ish. So to sum up, we have had some beautiful late fall/early winter weather that no one could have predicted but everyone can surely enjoy.
On that note, I have been quite busy inside but more so outside the last week. Last weekend (Halloween) was a blast. Raced in a bike race on Saturday (Halloween) and then had a killer time that evening with friends at the Wine Bar here in Gunny. We all were dressed in our Halloween-best...I as a cardboard box:) If you aren't on facebook, find someone who is and then you can see my costume. Quite original and highly unique, but most of all just fun.
The lab has been steady this past week...really just a busy day of testing and student research on Tuesday, otherwise I spent some of my hours researching potential graduate school programs for Student Affairs-my intended course of study. I've narrowed it down to 4 programs in which I'll apply to: Colorado State University in Fort Collins, CO; Penn State, Appalachian State in Boone, NC; and Michigan State University. I feel these 4 programs would be a best fit for me...the first 3 being my top choices over Michigan-which has an outstanding program nonetheless. For those of you who have been patiently waiting to see what direction Al would pursue, well I'd say you can breathe a little more easily now; I'm definitely pretty solid on this choice and am anxious and excited to get my application materials in. I have my letters or reference in the mail to me and/or scheduled for a finish date of Nov. 20th. Last thing to do besides applying is for me to write my letter of intent and double and triple check things.
In other news, I have been doing a lot of volunteer work lately. Partly because I think it would look good on my resume but mostly because I believe it is the right thing to do...guess it's my mother in me. For those that know her, she definitely gives her self whole-heartedly and asks for little in return. With a role model such as she, how can I begin to not want to mirror that? Also, I find the return feeling volunteering gives me satisfies much more than possessions, etc. So what kind of volunteering? Well Wednesday, Thursday and Friday evenings this week I spent helping my friend Luke set up climbing routes in the fitness center for a bouldering competition held on-campus Saturday. Being that I am an intermediate climber, if I could on-site (climb a route on the 1st try) then the route was deemed intermdediate or recreational in difficulty. Also, I helped carry and clean things up after the route setting was done late Friday night.
Before that on Friday afternoon I spent 3 or so hours helping my friends Tim and Mike (also ESS students) set up a Cyclocross course on campus for their race Saturday and Sunday. To cap off the weekend, I spent a few hours this morning doing a clean-up of some of the campground/climber areas out at Hartman's Rocks with my friend Luke and some fellow student climbers. Again, it was great to feel productive and communal in helping with all of these things. Obviously I don't deserve the volunteer award of the year for this, but I think it's an ideal example of how we can be good stewards, good friends, and all around self-less individuals by helping others without expecting anything in return. My one arguement about popular religion is that too many people are under the false pretense that you just give money and you "secure your spot to heaven," whereas others give what they can-their time or genuine self and feel rewards intrinsically that just a donation of money wouldn't do. Anyways not to blabber on and convolute the good things I've mentioned...I think volunteering is a great way to help others and be a good person and of course find out more about yourself. End of story.
Hope things are well elsewhere. Hard to believe it's November 8th already. 2 weeks and I'm on the road for home for Thanksgiving. Hope to see many or all of you over the holiday period (including the Christmas holiday as well). Hugs, kisses, and stuff.
Love yous guys.
Al
On that note, I have been quite busy inside but more so outside the last week. Last weekend (Halloween) was a blast. Raced in a bike race on Saturday (Halloween) and then had a killer time that evening with friends at the Wine Bar here in Gunny. We all were dressed in our Halloween-best...I as a cardboard box:) If you aren't on facebook, find someone who is and then you can see my costume. Quite original and highly unique, but most of all just fun.
The lab has been steady this past week...really just a busy day of testing and student research on Tuesday, otherwise I spent some of my hours researching potential graduate school programs for Student Affairs-my intended course of study. I've narrowed it down to 4 programs in which I'll apply to: Colorado State University in Fort Collins, CO; Penn State, Appalachian State in Boone, NC; and Michigan State University. I feel these 4 programs would be a best fit for me...the first 3 being my top choices over Michigan-which has an outstanding program nonetheless. For those of you who have been patiently waiting to see what direction Al would pursue, well I'd say you can breathe a little more easily now; I'm definitely pretty solid on this choice and am anxious and excited to get my application materials in. I have my letters or reference in the mail to me and/or scheduled for a finish date of Nov. 20th. Last thing to do besides applying is for me to write my letter of intent and double and triple check things.
In other news, I have been doing a lot of volunteer work lately. Partly because I think it would look good on my resume but mostly because I believe it is the right thing to do...guess it's my mother in me. For those that know her, she definitely gives her self whole-heartedly and asks for little in return. With a role model such as she, how can I begin to not want to mirror that? Also, I find the return feeling volunteering gives me satisfies much more than possessions, etc. So what kind of volunteering? Well Wednesday, Thursday and Friday evenings this week I spent helping my friend Luke set up climbing routes in the fitness center for a bouldering competition held on-campus Saturday. Being that I am an intermediate climber, if I could on-site (climb a route on the 1st try) then the route was deemed intermdediate or recreational in difficulty. Also, I helped carry and clean things up after the route setting was done late Friday night.
Before that on Friday afternoon I spent 3 or so hours helping my friends Tim and Mike (also ESS students) set up a Cyclocross course on campus for their race Saturday and Sunday. To cap off the weekend, I spent a few hours this morning doing a clean-up of some of the campground/climber areas out at Hartman's Rocks with my friend Luke and some fellow student climbers. Again, it was great to feel productive and communal in helping with all of these things. Obviously I don't deserve the volunteer award of the year for this, but I think it's an ideal example of how we can be good stewards, good friends, and all around self-less individuals by helping others without expecting anything in return. My one arguement about popular religion is that too many people are under the false pretense that you just give money and you "secure your spot to heaven," whereas others give what they can-their time or genuine self and feel rewards intrinsically that just a donation of money wouldn't do. Anyways not to blabber on and convolute the good things I've mentioned...I think volunteering is a great way to help others and be a good person and of course find out more about yourself. End of story.
Hope things are well elsewhere. Hard to believe it's November 8th already. 2 weeks and I'm on the road for home for Thanksgiving. Hope to see many or all of you over the holiday period (including the Christmas holiday as well). Hugs, kisses, and stuff.
Love yous guys.
Al
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Happy Birthday??
Is it appropriate to post on my birthday? Sure, why not? Oh I can't even think of a good excuse why not. Perhaps I am just asking myself rhetorical questions to entertain myself at 2 in the am. Why up so late? Ohh, feel like burning the midnight oil because I can.
Been a hectic past week up until oh probably Friday. Testing is finally done in the lab and Scott is gone away on his honeymoon. I am happy they are getting away from the drag of the daily grind. If I sound like I'm complaining, please forgive me. I am merely expressing the dissatisfaction that came with the seemingly relentless testing we did the past 2 weeks. Granted it is the day of my birthday, 25 years to the day, but I in many ways am just updating the readers of this blog with some news from my life and some thoughts from a perceiving mind. Please pay no mind to what I say. I often ramble just to get thoughts out of here [my brain].
Work at Garlic Mike's otherwise, goes well. I work with a lot of fun people and we function as a team instead of individuals out for themselves like some chain restaurants may. I have learned much in the past 4 weeks of employment; though it feels like much longer than 4 weeks. One more month of busy business and the flow of customers should reduce. We shall see!
I continue to work at Hertz rent-a-car once or twice a weekday evening to do the night flight. Makes for a very tiny paycheck but it keeps me in practice with the computer system at work, and it's antiquity.
I will say I wish to get out into nature more, but in the past few days, I have found content with sitting in my chair on the porch and enjoying the nothingness of a daytime without work. Evenings are another beast entirely. Can't have your play without work though. On a side note, I have pork chops steeping in BBQ sauce and onions in my Crock Pot waiting for me to delight on upon the 'morrow. Sorry for the discontinuous thought; the smell of it invades every inch of my small but quaint apartment and spills out into the hallway. Away with you, you begging scoundrels! Haha. I am entertaining myself this late into the evening; or shall I say early into the morning? Moving on...
One thing I've noticed with this blog is that I tend to carefully choose what I say for fear of shocking you the readers with what I think about this or that. I take a decent amount of care to watch my language, and usually never disclose anything personal that would embarrass myself permanently. Does that bother you as a reader? In some ways it may, but then just think of all the secrets the government whispers behind pursed lips (just an example, nothing against the government). Do you feel so bad now?
I apologize, it is late and my mind loves to pour over things of non-related natures. Think of it as a small change of direction; like when the wind shifts and you are now faced with a bitter wind in your face instead of at your back. As much as we wish the wind to be on our back, carrying us on our way, we often inconveniently have to face the wind. It is the small, unnoticing moments like this that help shape us as adults in an ever-changing environment. Granted, we probably rarely take stock of the fact that such things occur, but when you stop to think [read: moments like this] we realize that, shit, we are adapting and dealing on a subconscious level. Welcome to yourself. Enjoy the ride. :)
Been a hectic past week up until oh probably Friday. Testing is finally done in the lab and Scott is gone away on his honeymoon. I am happy they are getting away from the drag of the daily grind. If I sound like I'm complaining, please forgive me. I am merely expressing the dissatisfaction that came with the seemingly relentless testing we did the past 2 weeks. Granted it is the day of my birthday, 25 years to the day, but I in many ways am just updating the readers of this blog with some news from my life and some thoughts from a perceiving mind. Please pay no mind to what I say. I often ramble just to get thoughts out of here [my brain].
Work at Garlic Mike's otherwise, goes well. I work with a lot of fun people and we function as a team instead of individuals out for themselves like some chain restaurants may. I have learned much in the past 4 weeks of employment; though it feels like much longer than 4 weeks. One more month of busy business and the flow of customers should reduce. We shall see!
I continue to work at Hertz rent-a-car once or twice a weekday evening to do the night flight. Makes for a very tiny paycheck but it keeps me in practice with the computer system at work, and it's antiquity.
I will say I wish to get out into nature more, but in the past few days, I have found content with sitting in my chair on the porch and enjoying the nothingness of a daytime without work. Evenings are another beast entirely. Can't have your play without work though. On a side note, I have pork chops steeping in BBQ sauce and onions in my Crock Pot waiting for me to delight on upon the 'morrow. Sorry for the discontinuous thought; the smell of it invades every inch of my small but quaint apartment and spills out into the hallway. Away with you, you begging scoundrels! Haha. I am entertaining myself this late into the evening; or shall I say early into the morning? Moving on...
One thing I've noticed with this blog is that I tend to carefully choose what I say for fear of shocking you the readers with what I think about this or that. I take a decent amount of care to watch my language, and usually never disclose anything personal that would embarrass myself permanently. Does that bother you as a reader? In some ways it may, but then just think of all the secrets the government whispers behind pursed lips (just an example, nothing against the government). Do you feel so bad now?
I apologize, it is late and my mind loves to pour over things of non-related natures. Think of it as a small change of direction; like when the wind shifts and you are now faced with a bitter wind in your face instead of at your back. As much as we wish the wind to be on our back, carrying us on our way, we often inconveniently have to face the wind. It is the small, unnoticing moments like this that help shape us as adults in an ever-changing environment. Granted, we probably rarely take stock of the fact that such things occur, but when you stop to think [read: moments like this] we realize that, shit, we are adapting and dealing on a subconscious level. Welcome to yourself. Enjoy the ride. :)
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The struggle continues...
On a positive note, the weather here is +12 degrees and for once it is cloudy! I know that sounds really odd but after sun and blue skies every day for the last 2 weeks its nice to have some clouds. Furthermore, the temperature didn't dip below 0 last night I believe. Nice to have some "warm" weather.
On a negative note, I am still searching for a part-time job in addition to my lab duties. Since I am only required 20 hours a week and am able to complete all of my intended duties in that 20 hours, I have a lot of free time. Also realizing that of the money I make in a month (I get paid monthly) about 65% of it immediately goes back out the door in the form of bills or loan repayments. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm not sure yet how I'm going to eek through February on a pro-rated check for part of January.
My life feels like a movie of the drama-type. Entertaining to the outside viewer but stressful and nerve-racking to me the actor. Granted there are worst things that could happen, and I still have a room to live in and food to eat; but, I just have a lot of uncertainties about the next month.
You may say, 'why not get another part-time job?' Well, I have applied or inquired to about 10 places so far and all have come up negative or there is the "check back in spring time" response.
Do I regret moving here? No, I am glad to be here doing what I am doing; good will come around to help me in the end. The experience I am getting here should rate me highly when applying for a graduate assistant position later this year. Though one worry I have is that most graduate programs take new GA's into their programs in fall and I will still be working here in fall. Hope that spring time 2010 looks promising!
If you have positive news to share, by all means. I am still smiling and doing my regular routine. I just have this mental shard in the posterior of my brain that digs and reminds me of my human existence. Hope all is well.
Alan
On a negative note, I am still searching for a part-time job in addition to my lab duties. Since I am only required 20 hours a week and am able to complete all of my intended duties in that 20 hours, I have a lot of free time. Also realizing that of the money I make in a month (I get paid monthly) about 65% of it immediately goes back out the door in the form of bills or loan repayments. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm not sure yet how I'm going to eek through February on a pro-rated check for part of January.
My life feels like a movie of the drama-type. Entertaining to the outside viewer but stressful and nerve-racking to me the actor. Granted there are worst things that could happen, and I still have a room to live in and food to eat; but, I just have a lot of uncertainties about the next month.
You may say, 'why not get another part-time job?' Well, I have applied or inquired to about 10 places so far and all have come up negative or there is the "check back in spring time" response.
Do I regret moving here? No, I am glad to be here doing what I am doing; good will come around to help me in the end. The experience I am getting here should rate me highly when applying for a graduate assistant position later this year. Though one worry I have is that most graduate programs take new GA's into their programs in fall and I will still be working here in fall. Hope that spring time 2010 looks promising!
If you have positive news to share, by all means. I am still smiling and doing my regular routine. I just have this mental shard in the posterior of my brain that digs and reminds me of my human existence. Hope all is well.
Alan
Thursday, January 15, 2009
No. 19
Greetings once again my fine readers. I am doing well. I just enjoyed my first official meal. Well, that sounds like I haven't been eating the last week, but what I meant is, I actually went to the CityMarket, got food, and cooked real food and not PB and J's. I made a mixture of ground beef (from Rob, Steph, and Mom) and used various spices along with green and red peps, onions, and shrooms for a nice robust meaty/veggie taste. And of course to top it off, I got some homegrown corn from Indiana (which I brought along) for a nice yellow additive to the meal.
Hard to believe, but tomorrow will mark 1 week since I've been here! Time is ticking and I can't stop it; nor do I want to. Today in the lab was a fun day. We (Scott and I) had a cancer patient/survivor in for a FC test (Functional Capacity). We did gas analysis as well as HR (heart rate) BP (blood pressures), and RPE (ratings of percieved exertion-very much a mental assesement of the activity). The patient did well and we are hoping to offer more such services to any such patients residing in the Gunnison Valley.
The lab is slowly picking up pace. I have scheduled 2 clients to come in for testing in the next 2 coming weeks so I hope that will continue to increase. I am working, or about to start assembling, a write-up for getting corporations in Gunnison (banks, businesses, etc) into the lab for some competitive co-worker vs. co-worker testing. This in turn could lead to me gaining clients with whom to work with outside of the lab at a fitness club-increasing their fitness/health levels. Like I said though, it's all on my shoulders to develope a write-up/game plan/program that will get people from the community into the lab. So that's on the plate, as well as putting together an Ultra-Eudurance Summer Training Camp at the college for this July perhaps. Much to do; goals are set. Time to go about meeting them.
The apartment as you can see in the above pictures is all set up now. I finished it last night (Wednesday). I still am slow to make new friends. I have met a small number of students and all have been quite nice, though I don't see them outside of the lab-so my nights are spent entertaining myself. Although, I started playing in the competitive hockey league here in town. I play on Monday and Wednesday nights. Good stuff. They have an outdoor rink here as well as an indoor one. The single digit temperatures make for nice solid ice. I like it, compared to the softer, warmer ice back home.
I'm only getting comments from one person (Thanks Marge), I'd love to hear from more people. I know this isn't very personal, and that I am reaching a larger number of people by writing for you all to read; but, if you write me I will write you back. Think it over. Let's talk soon.
Byes!
Monday, January 5, 2009
No. 14
Picked up the Uhaul trailer this morning. Dad and I are going to load it tonight when he gets off work. It's bigger inside than I thought, so I have good faith that I'll fit all my "crap" into it. Whew. Gonna be a tight fit!
My final full day in Indiana...
Already the day is creeping away and I can't stop it. I say to myself I'm prepared to leave Indiana and all the wonderful people I love, but I don't think I really am. Though, I will just have to struggle through those emotions I feel, when I feel them, like I've done before with other situations. Tis all for the better in the end.
If I don't get a chance to say goodbye to you, I'll offer up my cell phone number in case anyone would like to call. I now have hands-free bluetooth capabilities on my cell piece so I can talk while driving. My number is 724 388 5449. Feel free to buzz me at any point this week. I'll do one final post from here at home tomorrow and then I'm mobile! To Colorado and beyond...
Alan
My final full day in Indiana...
Already the day is creeping away and I can't stop it. I say to myself I'm prepared to leave Indiana and all the wonderful people I love, but I don't think I really am. Though, I will just have to struggle through those emotions I feel, when I feel them, like I've done before with other situations. Tis all for the better in the end.
If I don't get a chance to say goodbye to you, I'll offer up my cell phone number in case anyone would like to call. I now have hands-free bluetooth capabilities on my cell piece so I can talk while driving. My number is 724 388 5449. Feel free to buzz me at any point this week. I'll do one final post from here at home tomorrow and then I'm mobile! To Colorado and beyond...
Alan
Monday, December 29, 2008
No. 11
Today's post is in a food for thought fashion: If the people you've met could write an account of you as a person after you're gone, what would that account be??
I think being that I posed the question, I should therefore attempt a proper response. For starters, I know off the bat that there would be mixed reviews of me. I'd like to think in all honesty that the majority of those would be positive and not negative, but without actually asking those people I met I guess I'll never know.
I can't say that all the accounts of me would be positive because there are those out there that I have harmed and wronged and in some sad fashion; that's life. We can't satisfy all we meet. Yet, something to learn and strive to take from that thought would be that just because we cause an initial wrong to someone, that doesn't mean we can't redeem ourselves and right some initial wrongings.
Now, I'm sure there are a few other people that I've left good impressions on only to tarnish those accounts with an unwise, and unpredictable action. There will be times that what we say comes out the wrong way from what we intended, and because of this, our overall character representation will be negative. What to do about this? Well, there isn't much to be done, you can only hope that like a contagious disease, you remedy yourself, your attitude, and your situation before you infect another with this ill-fated exposure. Though, sometimes one chance is all we get and that is an unfortunate fact but a very fortunate motivator to do it right from the start.
Granted, that within all of us there lurks or resides a highly imperfect and unforeseen monster that occasionally rears its head to our surprise post-occurrence; but, what are we to do about such? Can we kill this monster that uses our human form to vent to the outside world? In all realities no we can't because no matter how perverted, demented, or dichotomous it appears to be, it is still us thorough and through and we can't deny what we sometimes are. To accept and understand that certain things set us off would allow us to predict future episodes and what specific actions or words set us off; or, how to best handle the situation before our inner-creature exposes our not so pleasant side.
Good questions are asked, and along with that I find ways to be all over the place, forgive my divergence into areas not so supported but this is a blank slate for which I am to write on.
(Bottom Line)
Taking back into question my original thought-what would those accounts be? As I've stated before, I never will fully know; but, I don't need to either. Take the thought that you leave an impression on a person, no matter how small or insignificant, and with that thought in mind, approach each new encounter with means to leave a positive footprint on those that come and go.
I've got my work cut out. To Colorado and beyond...One week tomorrow.
I think being that I posed the question, I should therefore attempt a proper response. For starters, I know off the bat that there would be mixed reviews of me. I'd like to think in all honesty that the majority of those would be positive and not negative, but without actually asking those people I met I guess I'll never know.
I can't say that all the accounts of me would be positive because there are those out there that I have harmed and wronged and in some sad fashion; that's life. We can't satisfy all we meet. Yet, something to learn and strive to take from that thought would be that just because we cause an initial wrong to someone, that doesn't mean we can't redeem ourselves and right some initial wrongings.
Now, I'm sure there are a few other people that I've left good impressions on only to tarnish those accounts with an unwise, and unpredictable action. There will be times that what we say comes out the wrong way from what we intended, and because of this, our overall character representation will be negative. What to do about this? Well, there isn't much to be done, you can only hope that like a contagious disease, you remedy yourself, your attitude, and your situation before you infect another with this ill-fated exposure. Though, sometimes one chance is all we get and that is an unfortunate fact but a very fortunate motivator to do it right from the start.
Granted, that within all of us there lurks or resides a highly imperfect and unforeseen monster that occasionally rears its head to our surprise post-occurrence; but, what are we to do about such? Can we kill this monster that uses our human form to vent to the outside world? In all realities no we can't because no matter how perverted, demented, or dichotomous it appears to be, it is still us thorough and through and we can't deny what we sometimes are. To accept and understand that certain things set us off would allow us to predict future episodes and what specific actions or words set us off; or, how to best handle the situation before our inner-creature exposes our not so pleasant side.
Good questions are asked, and along with that I find ways to be all over the place, forgive my divergence into areas not so supported but this is a blank slate for which I am to write on.
(Bottom Line)
Taking back into question my original thought-what would those accounts be? As I've stated before, I never will fully know; but, I don't need to either. Take the thought that you leave an impression on a person, no matter how small or insignificant, and with that thought in mind, approach each new encounter with means to leave a positive footprint on those that come and go.
I've got my work cut out. To Colorado and beyond...One week tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
No. 8
I think that everyday is a day for a learning opportunity; some noticed and remembered, others not. Today for me has been one that I have noticed and remembered. The hairy details may not be essential in conveying to you, but the lesson that we can take from it should.
How does one who possess great physical attributes go about possessing or managing such? For starters, great things often are blessed upon us whether from our genes, God (or gods, for those that are poly), or from some sort of freak accident in a laboratory; the latter of course sounding very science fiction like. Granted these things are a no-brainer and often we don't think of where or how, but what about the cognitive side of the matter? That is something I'd like to explore in depth a little bit now.
How is it that great minds don't always have great bodies, and vice versa? What defines either? Aside from technicalities and dictionary aficionados, I would define a great mind as one with enlightened viewpoints, reasoning skills, and vast knowledge-both known and unknown. Great bodies can be defined beyond the mere physical picture they paint. Not only looking fit externally but also having the innards to compliment said healthy appearance. (*Of course this category of healthy could be expanded to much greater details with critiques out the ying-yang, but so can a great mind). Moving onward. Rare examples do exist of humans with great minds and great bodies. Granted, they are much more an anomaly they one would expect, but they do stake a presence among us-perhaps so clandestine that we do not notice. These ramblings bring about a sense of questions in my forebrain-if my anatomy is correct. What sort of dichotomy exists within these individuals, and how is it that both states of greatness can be achieved?
Perhaps, this is a conversation or discussion in motion and it may never rest; especially in my mind. My first argument would be that a great mind controls a great body and only in that manner does it occur. However, the polar opposition that exists in my psyche thinks otherwise. Perhaps a great body (either born or earned) can achieve a great mind as well. What is to say that a young child, blessed beyond their knowledge physically, can develop great brains to compliment? Is it not possible that through the course of development (childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, etc.) that this child can shape and be shaped into a great cognitive being? I would argue both sides; for no clear answer I believe is absolute. However, I will argue that through the mind all things are seemingly possible. Your legs do not decided that you can jump the distance between point x and point y; the mind-using the senses and prior learned experiences-decides yes or no. Therefore, case in point, the mind is the powerhouse despite its lack of physical prowess. As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword; thus, the brain-in its anatomically superior position-demonstrates greater capacity than the brute strength of a thousand men. Wars were won and lost with these tools.
Finishing up before length becomes my enemy. Interesting to see how the post began talking about learning today and then we end up at me discussing the brain and its great influence of all the physical. There are a lot of parts that you the reader will be left out of because I skip steps in my mind to get to where I want to discuss. Though, I trust that many if not all of you can identify with such. Lesson to take from this (if you are looking, waiting, or wanting one): don't underestimate the power of your mind regardless of how strong your body feels and/or looks.
So maybe I taught you nothing new today, but hopefully I reemphasized and reminded you of a point you learned and happened to forget in our lives as human beings who forget and make lots of mistakes. Think it through...thinking never killed you. Cheerio.
Alan
How does one who possess great physical attributes go about possessing or managing such? For starters, great things often are blessed upon us whether from our genes, God (or gods, for those that are poly), or from some sort of freak accident in a laboratory; the latter of course sounding very science fiction like. Granted these things are a no-brainer and often we don't think of where or how, but what about the cognitive side of the matter? That is something I'd like to explore in depth a little bit now.
How is it that great minds don't always have great bodies, and vice versa? What defines either? Aside from technicalities and dictionary aficionados, I would define a great mind as one with enlightened viewpoints, reasoning skills, and vast knowledge-both known and unknown. Great bodies can be defined beyond the mere physical picture they paint. Not only looking fit externally but also having the innards to compliment said healthy appearance. (*Of course this category of healthy could be expanded to much greater details with critiques out the ying-yang, but so can a great mind). Moving onward. Rare examples do exist of humans with great minds and great bodies. Granted, they are much more an anomaly they one would expect, but they do stake a presence among us-perhaps so clandestine that we do not notice. These ramblings bring about a sense of questions in my forebrain-if my anatomy is correct. What sort of dichotomy exists within these individuals, and how is it that both states of greatness can be achieved?
Perhaps, this is a conversation or discussion in motion and it may never rest; especially in my mind. My first argument would be that a great mind controls a great body and only in that manner does it occur. However, the polar opposition that exists in my psyche thinks otherwise. Perhaps a great body (either born or earned) can achieve a great mind as well. What is to say that a young child, blessed beyond their knowledge physically, can develop great brains to compliment? Is it not possible that through the course of development (childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, etc.) that this child can shape and be shaped into a great cognitive being? I would argue both sides; for no clear answer I believe is absolute. However, I will argue that through the mind all things are seemingly possible. Your legs do not decided that you can jump the distance between point x and point y; the mind-using the senses and prior learned experiences-decides yes or no. Therefore, case in point, the mind is the powerhouse despite its lack of physical prowess. As they say, the pen is mightier than the sword; thus, the brain-in its anatomically superior position-demonstrates greater capacity than the brute strength of a thousand men. Wars were won and lost with these tools.
Finishing up before length becomes my enemy. Interesting to see how the post began talking about learning today and then we end up at me discussing the brain and its great influence of all the physical. There are a lot of parts that you the reader will be left out of because I skip steps in my mind to get to where I want to discuss. Though, I trust that many if not all of you can identify with such. Lesson to take from this (if you are looking, waiting, or wanting one): don't underestimate the power of your mind regardless of how strong your body feels and/or looks.
So maybe I taught you nothing new today, but hopefully I reemphasized and reminded you of a point you learned and happened to forget in our lives as human beings who forget and make lots of mistakes. Think it through...thinking never killed you. Cheerio.
Alan
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