A quick back story before you read: I have had various remarks from various individuals about the validity of my writing. Is it really Alan? Is he really writing as he is? If so, where has it all come from? Well, I do say, please read on and find out. However, leave your sensitivities and opinions here at this point and pick them up afterwards, lest you be offended. You've been kindly warned. "Oh my, is he really going to say something hurtful to me?" No, I'm just going to be open and speak honestly. No person, specific event, or otherwise is mentioned. This is me speaking about my writing and my style so perhaps you all can better understand my thought processes. Good luck and feel free to respond if something does bother you. I don't read minds. Thank you and without further adieu, the piece:
Without readers my blog would be just like a personal diary; and in many ways it is. However, the blog was started as a way for me to confer to those not around me on a daily basis my life out in Colorado. Granted many writings as of recent have been about random events, both past and present, real and imagined; but for me it's a natural progression. For me to continue to write in cut and dry ways, stating I did x, y, and z no longer appeals to me as a "writer."
I've enjoyed writing creatively as much as I've enjoyed drawing creatively; about the last 5 years or so. For those of you that have seen my tattoo work, part of it is an original drawing by me. I have found other mediums for expressing creatively now that I am not around musical instruments as much. Because I don't talk about drawing or about creative writing as an interest or hobby it may be hard for some to see where I'm coming from. I used to write in plain sentences about what I was doing out in Colorado, much like a report would read. While that is very enjoyable for many of you I'm sure, the times have changed. I cannot say I am changing nor maturing, but I like to think I am; perhaps in ways barely measurable. Perhaps in ways not all and even retrograding. It's all something I have to figure out for myself though. I have a desire to express my thoughts and feelings creatively and openly. I feel I have a lot from the past to talk about and in many ways writing perspectively for me is a way to enjoy writing. If you don't enjoy something, why do it? Well, some would argue how they don't enjoy cutting the grass or grooming themselves, and I would say yes, that is true...there is always a counter-point to every statement. For me, writing in a creative, almost out-of-body&mind manner, is a way for me to express myself as well as brand my writing as different than the next guy. If we all expressed in the same manner or wore the same clothes, what a boring place we'd live in. Living in America has it's definite privileges. I am happy to exploit those. Hence why I just said that.
Variety is the spice of life, and expressing one's self in a passionate yet honest aspect is the style I'm conveying; interesting and confusing nonetheless. If I have offended people; mislead them with confusing metaphors; talked above or below them, then I apologize. One thing we all should strive to understand is that this blog is mine; and not that I'm selfishly imploring your views, but they are voluntary. No one is forcing viewership. I appreciate the readers I have. If you were to not read my blog anymore I'd be saddened, but chances are I wouldn't even know. I'm not out to impress anyone and I hope to not be unimpressive to those sensitive to issues I discuss; but I can't screen every thought without disassembling the piece of writing and giving it a bipolar purpose. This is really a continual development of Alan as he matures and figures out life, and you all have the privilege, or horror of reading about it; even if it's not specifically about me.
If it seems I am not genuine in my thoughts, or that they seem not me, I don't know what to tell you. I assure you my writing is me through and through and that no one or no substance is inundating the material you read. I am still at a crossroads in life and perhaps one crossroad leads to another. For this I apologize. I can't foresee what I will write about. I sit down, I write, I move on with life. Sometimes my ramblings make sense; sometimes my sense is ramblings; that's how it is. Often times, the cereal in the cereal box doesn't look like what it did on the outside picture. Same goes for me. I don't know how to be any more clear. Again, I apologize if you originally signed on to read about what I was doing in Colorado. I can say you will catch elements of my life here and there, but for me to continually stretch on and on about my doings goes against my character; whether that's a new or old character I couldn't tell you. I'm telling it how it is...here and now.
Thanks for reading and if you go your own direction, I'm sorry to see you go; but it's inherent that dissatisfaction occurs everyday. Life is dynamic...hope you'll deal.
In love, genuineness, care, and respect,