Recant the Past

This piece originally appeared on this blog in 2009; feels a treat to revisit the writing gone by. Cheers. 

This post poses a problem from the start. I highly desire to update ya'll but how do I do it without drowning on and on about boring this, perhaps exciting that? Flow with me...

The road back to Colorado was long in length and time, but never boring in retrospect. Some may recall me lamenting for a few moments about the drab landscape of Nebraska; well a change of heart occurred. While this didn't happen during the trip, I came across a photo of beautiful forest in northern Nebraska and immediately recanted my one-sided and under-exposed opinion.

Flash back eight, maybe ten hours earlier. The lights of E cubed were in my rear-view, along with Champaign, IL. I was traveling mostly alone amongst a few dedicated souls, trucking their way to the next pick-up or drop-off. The moon shone bright over my left shoulder as my bearing pointed northerly. I can extract thoughts of feeling not so alone; the moon has that companionship about it. Like most things though, it was not to last. Before the sun's introduction into that part of late evening/early morning, I found the back of my eyelids satiation for my slightly sleep-deprived body. When I awoke, the bright orb star, colored a yellowish orange, was just beginning its tract up and out of the earth, from somewhere else. At this point, a unique situation presented itself: I was now heading due West, while on my six o'clock, the sun was ascending.

Picture for yourself the situation. Many, perhaps all of us have seen a sun-rise and its welcomed beauty, but have we ever found ourselves on the back side of sun rise? To see the world illuminate as if a bright light were shinning from over your shoulder, brings thoughts of an unparalleled nature. At the time, my current thought train was held up, as if the conductor of the locomotive spied a potential danger in the track ahead. I was struck with a non-violent but surreal thought: the reversed perspective on a seemingly familiar event, item, or otherwise, elicits a new shade of understanding. Looking down at the ant, as he crawls across your kitchen floor carrying some booty of useful nature, you think how small he is; but the ant looks back and thinks how large you are. Is the ant really that tiny or are we just that big? Perspective dictates which answer fits.

Pregnant with that thought, think of a time in your life when perspective played out; where the chance presented itself for you to understand both sides of the coin. Would you go back and change the outcome? Nebraska is less boring glancing back to the moment. I know for sure reconsideration of perspective in my own life would change a lot of previously held notions of x, y, or z. Today will be yesterday and tomorrow will be today; guaranteed. Live not in the past, but reflect upon its imagery to serve as a guide for where you are going. 

The reflecting pool of memory is a beautiful and individually-unique place, but keep focus on the larger body of water known as life, for it holds many unknowns - on the surface and deep down in the depths. At times your road will be traveled alone, with others passing, caring not to glance at you or your situation. Find those that cherish you and you them; share openly and honestly all you can.

Respect perspective. What's mine is yours, but what's yours isn't always mine. I definitely gaze rearward and think...
...analyzing things past overwhelms. I'm glad the road revealed to me a new perspective. The application of implications bore into me. I will not succeed every time I try, but I will seek to spectate the various angles, and then decide what, where, or why.

I leave not knowing where to exit. As a story begins, so does an ending. Whether or not it is finalized now or ever, is not important. How it shapes you in the process of being told is what counts indefinitely. Past is permanent. Future is impressionable. Make it as you may.


Alan

...

Golden rose, the color of the dream I had,
Misty blue and lilac too.

It's only a dream,
I'd love to tell somebody about this dream:

The sky was filled with a thousand stars,
While the sun kissed the mountains blue;

And eleven moons played across rainbows,
Above me and you.

Gold and rose - the color of the velvet walls - surround us.

Jam with me,

Let your love free.

Space to test,

That which cannot jest,

Your heart, rhythm, and soul:

(listen on the blog site)

"I'll Be Loving You"

When the morning sun

Melts the morning dew

I'll be loving you

When the evening sun

Tells me the day is done

I'll be loving you

[CHORUS]

And I'll be loving you

Until my dying days

And I'll be loving you

Just an old fool set in my ways

Although it seems

That you are in my dreams

I'll be loving you

Somehow I know

It's really gotta show

That I'll be loving you

[CHORUS]

It won't mean the same

If you never know my name

Cause I'll be loving you

When the morning sun

Melts the morning dew

I'll be loving you

[CHORUS]

Unh!

Alan 

The Free-ness of Freedom

"Freedom begins between your ears."

-Edward Abbey

What does it mean to be free; to live and breathe in Freedom? That capitalized noun that evokes a sense of nostalgic pride from within my head and breast, my gut. In the sense of the word, we have it all - Americans that is. So much so that we relish in what we've been automatically blessed with: this Earth, with little conscious understanding of the reactions to our actions.

how about you?

Take for example a current hot button issue, hydraulic fracturing. Sure, it nets a source of energy for us to consume, but at what cost? A larger question I ponder: is there a way for us to forgo this dirty, au courant, seemingly satisfying temptation?

An aside: what if all passenger cars stopped working for the rest of our natural lives and people subscribed to walking or biking instead; what would happen? Whatever resulted would surely be eerie: a ceasing of mechanical noise, instead being replaced by a silence permeating over our ears and consciousness; an appreciation for simple machines like bikes and other non-motorized wheel-bound forms of transport, which fortunately remove the need for a gym membership; and, a recognition in our senses - spiralling up our nerve columns to that space where respect of the other things living inherent on this Earth deeply resides.

Boy, what would that be like? Will we ever get there ... ?
I'm not sure.

If you've read this far, though, I do know that the place to start is already buzzing; percolating with glucose, ready to respond. That space 'tween your ears - primed and awaiting your pious discretion.
Now, what will you do?


Sunshine and dreams of dreams,
Alan

Questions I ponder

What is the meaning of life? What shall I do with it?

I cannot say I know the answer to that. I even, by random chance, watched part of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life last evening, and I still don't know (of course, if you've seen that film, then you know they do nothing to seriously address that question; instead, they only tickle the mind and soul with hearty, cheeky humor).

If I ask myself these questions today, does that mean I'll know tomorrow? Hmm, doubtfully I concede to an acceptable answer of "no."

Life has this way of revealing just enough to keep us moving, but not too much where we become planned to the T with what we are doing in our lives, today or tomorrow. I feel delighted to be thankful of this honest notion.

Now, in my late 20s I reflect on my early 20s; that period of life where I grew a lot as a person. I seem to look to one particular marker in the sand where my life took a turn for the better, still felt today to be true; even though at the time, life was as grim as I ever knew (read older post here).

I know, through time's gentle, assured passage that I am where I need to be. I believe that the things past have occurred because that was my path then - whether a path predetermined, or a path created by my actions in the earlier spaces of life. Indeed, what we reap is what we sow!

So, what shall I do with my life? What does life mean? Great questions. I still, 20 minutes later cannot answer those; nor do I really want to. I can, however, take the faith I've built - with the love and care from others - and fasten my love and attention in the moments here and now; my wonderful surroundings. Alive. Breathing. Loving.

Thank you for this; your presence in life is unmistakable.

Alan

Even if I could see, I do not wish to know.